NEVER REALLY GOODBYE…

Three years have passed since we said Goodbye..
Did you hear us, Dad?
Did you know that it would be for the very last time..
You did react when I held your hand and told you that it was ok,
Mum was waiting for you.
You also reacted when I thanked you, yet again,
for all you did for us, for the love you showed and the guidance you gave us.
We were with you on your last journey..at least for as long as we could be..
just as we had been with you as your mind played tricks on you
and you forgot us at times. That was ok, we understood ..
and we never forgot you.

You have been our rock, our comfort,
and yes, at times, our disciplinarian..
We are who we are because of the love and caring
both you and Mum showed us always, in good times and bad.
We try not to shed tears as we delve into memories..
and can’t help laughing as we ‘see’ you beneath the mango tree
firing an air rifle at flying foxes feasting above.
We smile when we remember you stopping near a road sign,
staying for what seemed like ages
as two excited children waited for our watch..
after all, that’s what the sign said ‘Watch for Children’.
I still have the shivers when I recall diving deep into my bed,
screaming with fright, as you chased me with a live mud crab.. then calling me out some time later, saying it was all gone.. and presenting me with the crab, now bright orange, fully cooked.

I remember telling Mum, in as serious a tone as a five year old could muster,
that when she was finished with you, I was going to marry you when I grew up!
High praise indeed from a little girl who adored her tall handsome Dad,
especially when he played the guitar as Mum and I sang..Peg Theo Chris Vince Catsoulis c 1959well, ok, mostly Mum, she had a far better voice than I did.
I loved to sing with her though…and she taught me the words of so many songs.
Memories tumble by, one after the other and I find myself smiling often..
at the hospitality and generosity that came from you both..
at the willingness to drop everything at a moment’s notice to help someone in need, whether near or far.
Nothing was ever too much trouble..you expected nothing in return.
That wasn’t your way..

©  Crissouli 1959

You welcomed our friends and their friends and treated all like family..
then when our family grew, you were so happy and so proud…
You delighted in grandchildren and then the great grandchildren,
that Mum longed for, but never got to see…how you would love seeing them all grow.
Ninety one years .. and yet that wasn’t enough. We had more love to share..
more memories to create, more stories to tell..
We do our best to honour your memory, to be the people you wanted us to be..
So, never really goodbye, but rather, just for now..
You will live on in all that is good in those for whom you paved the way.

© Crissouli 18th October, 2017

 

IMG_0940

© Crissouli 2013

Last photo taken… Dad’s 91st birthday, at the nursing home. How he loved the birds..

 

 

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12 thoughts on “NEVER REALLY GOODBYE…

    1. Thank you.
      Now that sounds good to me…
      Strangely,in the early hours of the morning, memories were overwhelming me. Then suddenly, I burst out laughing.. I swear I heard Dad say ‘that’s not right, he was your grandmother’s brother”.
      I found myself telling him that I worked that out, no thanks to him. He would say ‘they are my relatives, nothing to do with you’, or my mother’s, or his mother’s, etc. .. a strange attitude to relationships. So, here I am , unravelling the ‘friends’, who were actually relatives, all these years after all of them are gone. Thanks, Dad.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My mother passed away 39 years ago, my dad 5. Yet they both are in my dreams all the time. I trying to remember my dreams more, but I know it’s a way to have new adventures together. I believe these dreams are ways to get to know them even more. 💖

        Liked by 1 person

    1. It took me a while to come to terms with it all, you’ll find your way. My Dad had Alzheimer’s, so we felt in some ways, that we’d lost him years before. My brother and I cared for him at home as long as we could, so glad we did, hard, but very special times as well.
      It helped me to write about it, though I haven’t published those thoughts from then. You will find your peace, there’s no time limit.. Be kind to yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

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