IF I SAY IT QUICKLY…

If I say it quickly, it doesn’t feel like 35 years…but, as hard as it is to believe, it is…35 years sinPeg Catsoulis.jpgce I kissed and held you for the very last time.  The last words you spoke to me were “Thank you, Petal..”

Chris's christening, with Mum, Peg Catsoulis 1948.jpg

 

Of course, I cried, as I am now… at the memory of losing you. I’d been praying that some miracle would happen and you would be able to stay, just a little longer, but as I sat by your bed, holding your hand, I could feel you leaving me, bit by bit. I was selfish enough to want you to see your grandchildren grow up.. there were three then, now there are five. I wanted you to fulfill your dream of having great grandchildren…

Mum Peg c1959.jpg

How they would have loved you, your kindness and gentleness, your selflessness, your generosity, your wonderful imagination… your insistence that we always had a fairy tree… as I do also. You have three great grandchildren, one step great grandchild and another great grandchild to be in a few months time. Of course, you just never know, there may be more to come… though I’m sure you know more about that than I do. As for great nieces and nephews, I haven’t even tried to count, let’s just say there are a lot of us..

You’d be so proud of your evergrowing family, they are good people.. and now Dad is with you, I’m sure you are both smiling down at us. Just as you said so many years ago, siblings and cousins are now the generations of the present and the future, sadly some are also of the past, but that is the way it has always been. We do our best to uphold your values and are always grateful for all you sacrificed for us. It’s only now that we have really come to know, or think we do, just how much that was.

It is so strange to realise that I have now had longer without you than with you.. but only your physical presence, as there isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t think of you or remember something you did or said.

You had been sleeping for so long and my tears flowed freely as your breath became more laboured. You struggled so hard to stay, I knew I had to let you go. “Please Lord, if there is no way she can stay, please let her be at peace with you Lord..” You opened your eyes, just for a moment and smiled.. somehow you knew my silent prayer.

“Thank you, Petal..” and you quietly left us.

Jeff Goopy & Chris Catsoulis, Peg & Vince Catsoulis 6th Sept 1969  wedding.jpg

©Crissouli June 27, 2017 Story and photos

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10 thoughts on “IF I SAY IT QUICKLY…

  1. Tears all round Chris. Such a beautiful testimony to your mum who you loved so much. She would be so proud of you…who you are and how you follow her example every day with family and friends. I am convinced they need us to let them go at the end and you unselfishly did what she needed.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This makes me sad, but fulfilled at the same time. I, too, have lived longer than my mother — by almost 40 years. How she would have loved her grandkids. Her great grandkids. Her small Indiana upbringing would have marveled at today’s world…and my never ending love for her. Thanks for the memories.

    Liked by 1 person

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